Polovna prica o mamurnom jutru i staroj ljubavi

Published on 07/27,2013

Otvaram jedno oko. Dovoljno da vidim da je tek 7h ujutro i da komotno mogu jos da spavam. Medjutim primecujem da mi je neobicno toplo. Sunce udara u glavu, pametna ja nije spustila roletnu kad je dosla iz grada. Kraj jula, temperature su tropske. Ustajem da spustim roletnu, kad opa, pokrivena sam jorganom , ne moze debljim. Rekla sam da je jul , jel?  Izadjoh iz kreveta i imam jos jedno iznenadjenje . Gola sam. Haljina i donji ves od sinoc leze na podu, kao i torba, novcanik, mindjuse a i moja pidzama koja je trebala da bude na meni.Ne znam sta joj se desilo pa nije. Nikakav na vrat- na nos seks nije u pitanju, vec case vinjaka ispijane velikom brzinom su presudile mojoj pameti. Grc u stomaku me podseca na proslu noc. Jos jedna 'luda' noc sa veselim drustvom i jednim veselim parom ociju u mojoj blizini, koja nije bila dovoljno bliska. Tu nadohvat ruke je stajalo sve sto je nekad bilo moje a sada o tom ' necem ' ne znam vise nista. Znam samo da jos uvek uspeva da napravi od mene nesto sto ni sama ne prepoznajem , a  ne mora ni da progovori. Dovoljno je samo da se nalazi u neposrednoj blizini. Nemam prava vise nista da trazim. Godine su izbrisale veliki broj uspomena, napravile ogroman jaz. To ne bi bilo toliko strasno da nisu uradile jos nesto, mnogo nepravednije. Obrisale su i njegova osecanja. I to je u redu. Medjutim, moja su, izgleda, neizbrisiva. To nije u redu. Ne mogu nista da uradim povodom toga, mogu da gledam dok je u nekom svom novom svetu, meni nepoznatom , i da ispiram grlo alkoholima a obraze suzama dok sedim na stepenistu svoje zgrade u rano jutro. Ne mozes naterati nekog da te voli. 


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